re-start

Well, as the saying goes, time flies when you're having fun! almost 2 years has passed since I last attempted to blog. WOW! I've enjoyed looking over the old memories and pictures and realize, I really need to update this thing!

We've experiencced some awesome things and life has definitely changed, and changed again since I last wrote. I quick catch up for now: my amazing hubby is an active duty army chaplain. we've moved to NC(again) and it feels like HOME! Two of the kiddos are already teenagers and my baby girl thinks she is!!! We are blessed beyond measure. I have stories I need to type about God's unending faithfulness. And I will, little by little, but not tonight- it is WAY past my bedtime!

I don't know if any one reads this... but it's a way to journal for me... and a neat thing to look back on and remember what God has done. I'm gonna give this a shot- again.

Jesus- I love You!

Surrender

Ok, so I am not doing so well at blogging very consistently! I have felt super busy this past month and am trying to prioritize!!! ( yes and still working on simplifying too, that is gonna take some time.) My prayer is this, that I could be completely surrendered and committed to God and His plan for my life.

As I began typing I was going to write about something else. But I hear that still soft voice saying gently : " BE STILL, and know that I am God!"

So I will. God , You are so good! You are in control. You are the only God, the Most High God, the Beginning and the End. I trust You and I ask for Your guidance both today and always.

Thank You for putting me right here, right now... for Your purposes! Your Joy is my strength!

and to all my "peeps" out there who I haven't gotten to talk to or hang out with lately, know that I love you and I think of you often! I am blessed to have each of you in my life! I will try to really blog soon.

Eccl. 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

simplify- getting rid of junk

God often uses the physical to show me spiritual. My "old" friends will probably laugh when they hear me say, I feel the need to SIMPLIFY, clean out, declutter, reorganize.... as it seems like it has been at least a 5 year mission that I still have not finished, even though I keep working on it!

I keep going thru drawers and closets and rubbermaids. I keep donating stuff, I keep moving things around, recycling them, but I still feel like I haven't "gotten there" yet.

SO I've been thinking, and purging, and thinking some more about it ( literally over the years) and I think it is a metephor for what God is also doing in the spiritual. He's been cleaning out my junk, a little at a time, cause if it all happened at once it would be overwhelming( and would take forever) well not for God, but for me.

Some stuff I hang on to, for sentimental reasons.... and then I will go thru it the next year, and some of it doesn't mean so much anymore, and I get rid of a little more. Sometimes I see something I kept or hid away, and wonder, why in the world I even bought it, or ask myself, if I haven't used t in 5 years, do I really honestly need it. Lately, God has even been nudging me, reminding me that HE is my provider and that I don't have to hold on to everything, just in case I need it. Cause if I truly need it, He will provide it AGAIN!

So, where's this all going? I guess it has just been on my mind, and then I listened to Johnny's sermon in the van tonight and thought about how we change, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but we constantly have something changing in us, hopefully for the better. " Taking off the old and putting on the new." God uses everyday stuff ( everyday) in my life to show me where I need to repent, or humble myself, or where I am being stubborn, or disobedient, or even how much He loves me and how amazing He is( like the BEAUTIFUL BRIGHT RAINBOW ACROSS THE SKY THIS MORNING THAT WE WOULD HAVE MISSED IF WE DIDN'T GET TO CHURCH AND REALIZE WE FORGOT THE KEYS AND HAD TO TURN AROUND AND GO BACK HOME TO GET THEM!)....

SO anyway. I just urge you my friends, to maybe look back at all that God has already cleaned out ( and rejoice), or to step up and participate with God , in cleaning out some old "junk"-- physical, or emotional, or spiritual. Open up that garage or closet or junk drawer(locked away in your heart) and let Him start pulling stuff out. I didn't say it would be easy, probably not fun either.. but worth it.

Colossians 3:9-10 "since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator."

Happy New Year~2009

Wow, so my attempt to start blogging a month ago didn't last long, so I try , try again to get into the habit of somehow, someway journaling and communicating regularly!

Someone asked me last night( while my Johnny and Jonni were gone on their special daddy/daughter- 13 year old trip)-- what is your New Year's tradition?.... umm.... I had to think, and answer- we don't have one. Each new year (and new year's eve) is different! Rarely have we had two New Year's in a row in the same house, or with the same people. Some have been spent at home, asleep before the ball drops, some have been spent with family playing games, some at church functions, some with dear friends, one was even in Korea with my hubby, and one I barely made it out of the hospital(kidney infection during a move while I was pregnant) yeah- not my favorite!

For a second I was sad we didn't have a tradition, but then I changed my mind-- I like adventure and I am content and happy with the life God has given us! We know how to adjust, we know how to adapt, we know how to change, even when it hurts! We have experienced different places with different people at different times! I wouldn't change it if I could. I am thankful for ALL the different experiences we have had and all the people we have met along the way and as I thought about it-- I got excited about ALL the experiences we haven't even had or thought of having yet, that God knows are coming! I am excited for this new year, excited for what God brings, whether it is small change or big change, God has good plans and I trust Him!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET JONNI!!!

I officially have a teenager.

God is Gracious!

"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Numbers 6: 24-26

learning from Job

There is a lot to learn from the book of Job, more than I will say, but I did want to type up something God has been impressing upon my heart, especially as we live in these times where I feel like I see chaos and crisis all around me.

After Job found out his kids were dead, his animals were dead, and his servants were gone-- he had lost most of all he had- he fell down and WORSHIPPED GOD!

Wow! I had to be honest with myself when I read that... Number one, I was saying- Please God, don't feel like You ever need to give satan permission to blast my life.. You are my Protector and my Provider! Please protect my family, Please provide for my family! Let no weapon formed against my family prosper!...... and God whispers-- No fear, sweetie, My love casts out all fear.

That's right, God didn't show me that story to scare me, but to prepare me! Then I start thinking-- But why God, I don't understand, Job was upright and godly and he did what was right, it doesn't makes sense...... AH, sweet girl, My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts are different than yours! It's alright to not understand completely.

That's for sure, I don't undertstand a lot of things! Oh Lord, Your word says that if I ask for wisdom you will give it to me generously?...... and God reminds me--- That is what I am doing My child! It's like I can feel Him smiling at me as I start to get what He is saying!..... Ohhhhh....

So then I say,well God, if and when I do go thru crazy rough times, please help me have a heart like Job.. Help me never take my eyes off of You and Your glory! I wanna be a true worshipper, in spirit and truth, no matter if there is good going on , or craziness!

Jesus is worthy of all our praise, all the time! He has already crushed the enemy, we live by faith. We will have struggles and tribulations, but God will never leave us nor forsake us. We can stand on that promise.

That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. John 4:23 THE MESSAGE

what's in a name?

As I reviewed old posts last night, I came across the one about how God used my firstborn to draw me back to Him, about what an amazing Redeemer He is- which reminded me of a revelation I had last week.

I have been studying the meaning of names lately and so I was thinking about what I named my children. I was younger in the Lord then, and didn't really consider what their names meant- but God knew what was going on.

Jonni was named after her daddy, and so her name essentially means John, which means GOD IS GRACIOUS. SO every time I say JONNI (which has been about a hundred times a day over the last 13 years) , I am saying GOD IS GRACIOUS. That gives me butterflies in my stomach even as I type! GRACE is a gift, it means getting something I don't deserve( in a good way).

I was a smart college student making foolish choices, I was living a life given over to my flesh even though I knew better. I was not ignorant, I was being selfish and sinful. But my God is SO gracious and He will do anything to go after that one wandering sheep. HE gave me a GIFT that I SO did NOT deserve! He gave me a beautiful, healthy daughter and I will be forever grateful. And woven in and thru that , He gave me a husband of the same name-- GOD IS GRACIOUS.

Jonni's middle name is Shauntal - which means Rocky, and oh there have been rocky days and even years in there, no doubt. But thru it all, God has been my Rock, and He used them both(back then and still now) to draw me ever closer to Him daily. So may I never forget the grace God has given me , nor the power of a word spoken.

But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

I Timothy 2:15

long time, no type

Well soccer season has been over for almost a month, so I have no more excuses to be too busy to write! It was a "losing" season, but only in points, not in lessons!

I guess since I've written last, I also have become involved (again)in PWOC, a women's ministry on-post at Ft Eustis, so that has been another time-spender and lesson-teacher. I am enjoying it, always wondering in the back of my head if our soon future is the military or not. Some days I can't imagine NOT being an army wife, and other days I wonder if I am not completely CRAZY! I know God knows and He has good plans for us, either way. I trust Him.

I sit hear wondering what to write... It is not like I can catch up after over 2 months of not writing... so I won't try. I'll just start fresh.

Tonight I will just say ~ I am in love with Jesus! He is perfect, He is wonderful, He is my All in all. I am desperate for Him. He is my hope, and my peace, and my strength. I can't live without Him! and I am sooooo THANKFUL He loves me too, more than I can ask for or even imagine.

Lord help me!

God help me not to be a drill sergeant! Help me to be a mom who encourages, not just bosses. Help me to speak gently, be slow to anger, and quick to love with mercy. Help me to model forgiveness and compassion. Give me a gentle and quiet spirit. Help me to be a comforter, a teacher and an advocate, but help me ultimately to point my children to YOU, the real Comforter and Teacher and Advocate! Show me how to train up these blessings in the way they should go. Thank you Jesus, it is in Your precious name I pray. AMen

FOLLOW ME!

Lately I have been noticing just how many times Jesus said to so many different people, "Follow me."

"Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men."

Matthew 4:19, Mark 1:17

" Follow Me, and allow the dead to bury their own dead."

Matthew 8:22

He saw a man called Matthew, sitting in the tax collector's booth; and He said to him, " Follow Me!"

Matthew 9:9, Mark 2:14, Luke 5:27

"If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.

Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23

"If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."

Matthew 19:21, Mark 10:21, Luke 18:22

He found Philip And Jesus said to him, " Follow Me."

John 1:43

"If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

John 12:26

Now this He said, signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God And when He had spoken this, He said to him, " Follow Me!"

John 21:19

"If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!"

John 21:22

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.

John 10:27

Anything Jesus says that much and that the disciples recorded that many times MUST BE IMPORTANT! So ask Jesus yourself, How can I follow you? He will show you. You will know His voice if you are His!

Do not worry about tomorrow

There have been a couple times in my life where God has used these specific words to calm my heart about what was going to happen specifically the next day. And God has been faithful every time! He is good , all the time.

Today He is whispering these words to my heart again. And I answered- tomorrow will be good. Kara has her first soccer game , Maliek has a bye, and then tomorrow evening is Steak Night at our dear friends' house- what's there to worry about? I'm excited, it will be a fun day. But it is not about Saturday, September 14th. Today, He is reminding me not to worry about any of my tomorrows- the future.

I am not worrier by nature, but there is one thing that has always made my heart beat skip a beat and caused anxious thoughts to rise up in me. The future. I should be used to living life not knowing where God will take me "tomorrow", I mean I have lived in 19 different houses/apartments( 2 more if you count my dad's 2 places) in 5 different states in the last 18 or so years. So I should be used to adventure. And I will say God has given me a pioneering spirit. I enjoy moving, I enjoy new things, I am not afraid of change. But at the same time, whenever it comes time to start talking (not even planning yet)about the next "place", I feel a squirming in my spirit-- a sign that I am getting comfortable where I am.... which can be good, but can also be bad.

You local people- NO, we are not planning on moving anytime soon! But we know the Lord brought us to Virginia ( for a lot of reasons) but one was for Johnny to go thru seminary, with the intent to become an active duty Army chaplain. so as he progresses thru school , it is only normal to think and talk about the next step, whatever and wherever it may be.

I do not fear what will happen to us. I guess my fear is that we will make the wrong choices. That we will miss out on something. But I realize today that that is just plain silly. Why are we sometimes afraid of the silly stuff, while we laugh at the "scary" stuff?? hmmm..

God, I lay my fears down at your feet, and I refuse to worry about tomorrow. Your word says that if we seek You, we will find You, that if we draw close to You, You will draw close to us. It says You will lead us on paths of righteousness for your name's sake. So God, take us where You may. Lead us and guide us. Use us for Your purposes, whenever and wherever it may be. Be glorified.

A man’s heart plans his way,

But the LORD directs his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

exercising faith

I know I have already shared with some of you this story, and it seems like such a little thing, But I praise God for growing faith in my children, with things and situations that are special to them.

Two weeks ago, I finally called to see about signing Maliek and Kara up for fall soccer. Well wouldn't you know I had missed the cut off by 1 day-oops! But they agreed to put the kids on a waiting list incase someone decided to quit or didn't show up before the games started. Well within 2 hours they called back and said Maliek was on a team. They didn't give me a lot of hope for Kara though.

Honestly( and selfishly), I felt a load lifted, because last season was TOO busy- with all three kids playing on three different teams. I didn't mind the thought of only having to follow one team this season. But the next day during Bible time, and also at night when I was tucking the kids in, Kara specifically asked if I would pray that God would put her on a soccer team....

I guess this is dying to self. So I saw my baby's desire to be on a team again and I did pray, knowing that if God did it, it meant more work for me. But she is worth it! And everyday we would pray again, because God has showed us in the Bible to be persistent in prayer.

Finally- on Wednesday, Kara decided to pray for herself, not just have mommy pray... and guess what? We got a call from Youth Sports that day saying there was a slot for Kara to play soccer!

I hung up the phone and told Kara-( and I realized I was actually excited that she was getting to play! )She smiled and acknowledged that SHE had prayed that morning and God had heard her prayer and answered it with a YES!

I know it's not only about what we want or ask for. It's just soccer, and she's only 7, but my Kara is learning how to really talk to God, her personal Savior and learning that He is truly faithful! I am so grateful that the God of this universe even cares about the little things, like my precious Kara's heart and a silly soccer team! He is always good!( and it builds the faith of those watching her grow too- I know my big kids took note!) And because I know God orchestrated this soccer season despite my proscrastination and my complaints last season, I have a new heart concerning it all, and I look forward to what God is doing!!!

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Matthew 7:7-11

SALTY...

Been thinking today about being salty, because Jesus himself said that we, as His followers, are the salt of the earth. Salt of the earth? hmmm... the kids and I have been looking at the sermon on the mount these past few weeks, and I was remembering some things I studied last year, I really do find this interesting. Maybe you will too. Here's just few facts about SALT:

1. it's the only rock we eat.
2. it's common to every household, pretty much universally
3. has influenced trade routes, financed wars, inspired revolutions and secured empires-it is VALAUBLE!
4. salt cannot be burned or destroyed!
5. NaCl (salt) is a very stable substance
6. it adds flavor
7. it draws out water
8. it's used to cure things for longevity, a preservative.
9. it creates traction on icy roads
10. it is an antiseptic (clean ups pollutants)
11. salt creates thirst- a need for water.
12. it is obtained from water or rock
13. salt is craved when it's deficient

Wow! I don't know about you, but just from these facts I start to get a clearer picture of what God is saying. Salt is valuable-- We are valuable. Salt adds flavor. We make life interesting! Salt helps preserve things, it cleans up pollutants and helps people not to slip. Am I describing you? Salt comes from water and rock- the Living Water and the Rock of Ages! Salt makes people thirsty- are you making people thirsty for the Living Water? People crave what they need. Salt draws out that water! Salt is stable, not able to be burnt or destoyed, even in the fires of life. It is needed in every household. Do you see what Jesus was saying? Don't lose your saltiness. Alow Him to use you.

Freedom Reigns

here's one of my favorite songs to sing-- I love the words and what it means.
by Jason Upton

Where the Spirit of the Lord is
There is freedom
Where the Spirit of the Lord is
There is freedom

If you're tired and you are thirsty
There is freedom
If you're tired and you are thirsty
There is freedom

Freedom reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on ev'ry face
There is freedom

Jesus reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on ev'ry face
There is freedom

Jesus said "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven...
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied..."

Matthew 5

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

NEVER SAY NEVER!

If you've known me for even a little while, you probably know my saying-- NEVER SAY NEVER! I know, cause I have said a lot of nevers in my life, and guess what-- most of them happened soon after I made my declaration not to let it! And here's the kicker- The nevers that I never wanted usually turn out to be the biggest blessings in disguise!

Let's see- here's a few:
1. I said I would NEVER marry a man in the military or a police officer- well, then I met Johnny, the love of my life, who is in the army(national guard right now) and has a criminal justice degree.( and guess what- I HAVE LOVED THE ARMY LIFE! Most of my closest friends and family I would not even know if I had NEVER married a military man.)

2. In the army our first duty station was Ft Knox, KY and when we finally LEFT- I said i would NEVER come back to that place! well, wouldn't you know, just a few short years later after MANY attempts to avoid Ft Knox, I found myself moving back into the same neighborhood I had moved out of! God surely has a sense of humor! ( This is the place where God drew me back close to His heart, and here is where I was introduced to an awesome ministry- PWOC, and also where Johnny, Jonni and I got baptized together. Actually I didn't wanna leave when it came time to move!)

I could allow this list to go on and on, but I think you're getting the drift- so just one more:
3. I was one of those moms who said, "Oh, you homeschool? That's nice for you~ BUt not for me, I will NEVER homeschool!" Uh Huh, sooner than I could imagine, God was calliing me to homeschool, and I have not regretted the choice to obey that even for one day! I'm not saying there's not bad days-- I am human! But, I know my kids better than I did before and I enjoy spending my days with them ( and I also THOROUGHLY enjoy being alone too- so I am NOT crazy!)

My point is this- NEVER SAY NEVER. Don't try to limit what God can do! I've tried. Learn from me. It doesn't work! Now when I start to feel strongly about something that I never want to do, or a place I never want to go, I start wondering what is so good about this thing that I really think I don't like-- what secret does God have hidden in it, and I smile, knowing that God's ways are so much higher than mine, and His thoughts are so much better than mine! He has plans for me- good plans, a future of hope!

another day down, a lifetime to go

Well we survived our first official day of the 08-09 school year yesterday! Then, like our Father so perfectly knows how to do- I studied PATIENCE this morning!!!(it was the next subject in a book I have been reading for the last few weeks or so.) He knows what we need before we even ask, and His timing is perfect!!

The word "patience" in Matthew 18 in the greek simply means HANDLING ANGER SLOWLY! Not losing heart... suffering long... being slow to punish... persevering and enduring, even thru trials. Yep, patience is definitely an attribute, and beneficial to the home school mom and her children, as well as everyone else in the world. It's one of those fruits that it takes the Living Water and Light of Jesus to grow. I want it. I need it. and I am SOOOO thankful that my Everlasting Father has had and still does have patience with me!!

I also know that in order to have patience, there must be the opportunity to to "practice" it, so Lord I ask that you would equip me for those opportunities I will have today to be patient! Give me your gentle and quiet spirit. Lord I ask for wisdom in training and teaching the children You have entrusted me with! I need Your help! Remind me of Your perfect compassion, lovingkindness, and what I have been forgiven, as I deal with my kiddos.



~be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger ~ James 1:19

Delightful

Yesterday God showed me a verse that I had never paid attention to before:

Psalm 18:19b "He rescued me, because He delighted in me. "


WOW! Yes, I know He loves me, even enough to die for me, and I knew I had been rescued and redeemed, but the realization that God actually delights in me- is awesome! I'm delightful? I was delightful when He rescued me? WOW. I don't know if I am delightful, But His word says He delighted in me, and God does not lie. His word says He rescued me BECAUSE He delighted in me, little ole messed up selfish sinful me. God, I am eternally grateful for your unconditional love and grace. Thank you for having mercy on me. Thank you for the MANY blessings you so freely give me. I DELIGHT IN YOU JESUS! Fill me up with Your Love, to overflowing- I want it to spill over into others' lives. I want them to know that You delight in them too and that You are their rescuer, their deliverer!

My Redeemer Lives!

Today I sit in awe, of a God who truly can do anything. He is a God of amazing love. He is a God who is patient and kind and gentle. Yes, He is just, but He is merciful all the same. Jesus, You are the Redeemer! You have redeemed my life. I am not worthy. In my own strength, in my own flesh, I can screw things up so BIG! But God You are ever faithful, even when I am not! Thank you Jesus.

Just thirteen short years ago I was an unwed pregant college dropout. I knew God, and yet I had backed away from His ways. I never stopped talking to Him, but I had stopped obeying Him. And yet , He never stopped loving me.

In my selfish sin, my God gave me a blessing that I most definitely did not deserve. Sure it wasn't easy, and boy was it humbling! But God's word says children are a blessing, and His word does not return void. God gave me a precious daughter, quite purposefully with a strong will all of her own, to teach me lessons every day.

God used my baby girl Jonni to get my attention, and quite possibly to save my life from going down a further road of destruction! I knew enough then to know that I could not do it without Him any longer, and He has so graciously drew me back in. The road may have been tough some days(or years), but He has never left me nor forsaken me, ever. He has provided, He has guided. He has disciplined, and He has encouraged. My God's fingerprints are all over the place! I have been forgiven SO much, and I will forever Love Him! My life is His!

I know my Redeemer lives! Let the redeemed say so! Look for those fingerprints in your life!


Psalm 107 :1-2, 6, 8-9

Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.
Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,
Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy,

they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He delivered them out of their distresses.

Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.

God's in Charge

Hallelujah! O my soul, praise God!
All my life long I'll praise God,
singing songs to my God as long as I live.
Don't put your life in the hands of experts
who know nothing of life, of salvation life.
Mere humans don't have what it takes;
when they die, their projects die with them.
Instead, get help from the God of Jacob,
put your hope in God and know real blessing!
God made sky and soil,
sea and all the fish in it.
He always does what He says—
He defends the wronged,
He feeds the hungry.
God frees prisoners—
He gives sight to the blind,
He lifts up the fallen.
God loves good people, protects strangers,
takes the side of orphans and widows,
but makes short work of the wicked.
God's in charge—always.
Zion's God is God for good!
Hallelujah!

Psalm 146 (the message)

Lord, build my house.

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.

Unless the LORD watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves.

This is the first half of one of my favorite psalms, Psalm 127. It really puts things in perspective for me. Nothing I do, without the Lord, is worth anything. I could try and try and try to keep this house together and train up my kids and be a good wife. I could attempt to protect and provide, but without God, it would all be in vain. No matter how early I get up , or how late I stay up, I'm not effective and productive without Him. Life without Jesus is a life wasted, literally. But nothing is impossible WITH Him!

When I grasp that and live by it, there is nothing I can't do- I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!

And if I am trully living life with Jesus, walking in His Spirit every day, then nothing I do will be a waste. God can even use the "down times" if I am surrendered to Him- and that is awesome!

As we draw near to Him, He promises to draw near to us.

As we abide in Him, He promises to abide in us.

As we seek Him first, He promises to add all these things unto us.

As we delight in Him, He gives us the desires of our hearts.

God is good and His word does NOT return void!

Father God, build my house. Lord Jesus, guard my city. Holy Spirit, grant me sleep. Thank You for loving me. I trust You. I want Your ways.

a word to ponder

For we walk by faith, not by sight.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

According to your faith let it be to you.

If we are faithless, He still remains faithful.

do you trust Me?

Seems like God is whispering something to my heart tonight. "Do you trust me? Do you REALLY trust me?"

Of course I trust You God! I must sound a little like Peter when Jesus asked him,"Do you love Me?", and He asked more than once!

"Do you really trust Me Gwen? Do you trust Me with your kids? Do you trust Me with your neighbors? Do you trust Me with your talents? Do you trust Me with your broken down electronics, appliances, and vehicles? Do you trust Me with Your loved ones who don't know me yet?"

Wow! Yes, God I trust You... I think I trust You... I want to trust You.... Do I trust You?

I am sitting here contemplating, arguing with myself now, searching my heart. Is there some places I am not trusting You God? Why are You asking me this? Am I being safe? I don't wanna be safe, I wanna be full of faith!

So I have some more soul searching to do, and I challenge you, my friends, to do the same. I know you trust God, and I know I trust Him too-- He is faithful and has proven Himself faithful over and over again. But do I trust Him with ALL my heart and ALL my soul and ALL my mind and ALL my strength? do I really? maybe sometimes. Do I want to always- YES!

I can want to trust Him, I can think I trust Him, I can feel like I trust Him, but do my actions and words and attitudes SHOW that I trust Him?hmmm... gotta think about that one-- most of the time, probably so.. but I know I have things I need let God work on and work in.

God, You are TRUSTWORTHY! You are FAITHFUL, even when I am faithless! You are perfect and Holy and there is not one excuse or reason for me NOT to trust You! I know this in my mind, and I feel this in my soul and I believe this with all my heart! Lord help me to trust You even with all my strength! Increase my faith and make me bold like a lion. May my life glorify You and may my actions, words and attitudes SHOW that I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY!

So trust him absolutely, people;

lay your lives on the line for him.

God is a safe place to be.

Psalm 62:8 ( the message)

I lose!

My baby- Kara, who is 7 and a half, FINALLY lost her first tooth! The funny thing was, it happened VERY fast. Everything was normal, one bite into a cheese quesadilla, and it was hanging by a thread. Then Kara pulled it herself. Wish all extractions in life were that easy!

Of course there was a little drama after that, when Kara realized there was a BIG HOLE where her tooth once was and where her grown up one will some day soon grow. And there was some blood, things felt weird, a bit of anxiety, and then finally, some big wide grins and the request to take a picture to send to daddy, to show off her "hole".

When I downloaded the photos tonight, God spoke to me, reminding me that we usually have to LOSE something, in order to make room for the next , bigger, better thing. hmmm. And it's not always easy, huh?

But what if we never lost those baby teeth?-- I will tell you growing the adult one with the baby one still in there is UGLY-- it happened to Maliek- trust me, you don't want that!

Spiritually speaking though- God often removes stuff from our lives, so that He can grow and replace that "babystuff" with His mature, more godly characteristics, habits, and desires.

I think back to when Maliek was 3. His big sis would always be yelling- I WIN!!! and sweet Maliek, he didn't know the difference- he was content to yell out right after her-- I LOSE! with a big ole smile on his face, dimples and all.

Jesus, help me to have that good attitude, that content heart, and way less drama, when I am losing my life for You! You Jesus are the perfect example- You gave Your life that I may LIVE and live abundantly! Thank you my Lord. I love You.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.

Luke 9:24

My soul finds rest in God alone;

my salvation comes from Him. Psalm 62:1

I have spent the past couple days resting, literally. Vacation can really wear you down, physically, mentally, even spiritually. Once it was over, I felt like I had fought some sort of battle(and I am not so sure I won). I know lots of it was in the flesh and emotions, but some of it was in the spiritual too, probably more than I know.

But what I do know is this- The Lord is victorious! We learned in church last week that that is the meaning of "Hallelujah". So I say Hallelujah! NO matter how I feel, the Lord is victorious! In Him is my rest- always. He has, He is, and He will save me!

He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:2

sunny with a chance of storms

I had the opportunity to read the word of God on the beach today! It was beautiful this morning, sunny with a nice breeze. We even saw dolphins- lots of them swimming very near the beach. plus I got to be with my mom and my friend, T who I have known for 28 years! I went in to fix lunch and bring it back out and right after that, the sky turned grey and within minutes it was POURING! Lightning , thunder, pouring...

...Things can change quickly, and not always for the best, or the way we wish they did! that's life.

It's not as much what happens, as to how we RESPOND to whatever does happens. Sometimes I respond well, other times (a lot of times) I wish I had a second chance to respond the first time!

This morning while I was reading, I read this: "the heart of Asa was wholly devoted to the LORD all his days. " I Kings 15:14

That's the kind of heart I want- one wholly devoted to God all of my days-- no matter what is happening, no matter what happens to me, no matter what happens around me. No excuses, no complaints. Even when it rains and storms on my vacation! God loves me and He is in control! I want to live a life wholly devoted to my Lord!

the produce section

Fruit- some of us have been talking about it lately. Mainly the fruit of the Spirit and the fruit of our deeds, but there has been some talk about fruit fruit- like the kind you eat. It's cool.

I am a visual person, so that has been running thru the eyes of my imagination. Fruit. It's usually colorful and interesting to look at, but there are so many sizes and shapes, I feel like I discover new things in the produce section weekly. It can unfortunately sometimes be expensive- especially if it is one of the more "rare" varieties. Fruit is usually juicy , almost always sweet and kinda meaty at the same time. It is good for you- amazingly good for you. Different combinations of fruit make even new yummy flavors. ( I LOVE SMOOTHIES!) And if I am not mistaken, the way you categorize something as fruit(as compared to vegetable) depends on if it has seeds in it. Interesting.

Compare that to the fruit of our spiritual lives, which always spills over into the physical. Some of us have some similar characteristics-- and that is good- as followers of Jesus, we should look somewhat alike. But some of the fruit manifests itself in different ways- grows differently, bigger, more specifically. Without a doubt, some of us have some different fruit, or unique fruit, or more of one kind of fruit~ but it is all still good fruit.

This fruit is beautiful and interesting-- God uses it to draw people to Him. It is sweet, and meaty- full of purpose- good purpose. Some fruit takes time to obtain-- it's expensive, as far as life is concerned. It has to grow. It needs nourishment and light, water and time. It is not as easily cultivated. If we broke it all down, this could be a long and indepth study, but what I want to get at is this- Fruit has seeds- seeds are basically baby fruit- waiting to be planted, ready to grow.

I have been blessed with a lot of really fruity, i mean fruitful, people in my life. And everytime I spend time with them, or talk to them, everytime they are patient with me, or gentle, loving or full of joy, faithful- they plant seeds in my heart. And God uses those seeds to grow His fruit in my life. And it's a cycle- a reproductive cycle~ fruit begats seeds that begats fruit that begats more seeds, and on and on.

And a good thing to remember is that sometimes seeds lie dormant for years. Then, perhaps miraculously, with a little nourishment, a little "wet soil", some light-- it starts to sprout ... and eventually bears it's own fruit.

God, grow Your fruit in us. May we blossom with irresistible aroma. Use our lives as nourishment- to our children, our family, our friends, even strangers. May they taste You Jesus when they interact with us. Help us plant Your seeds everywhere we go, everytime we talk. And help us not to keep our fruit- Your fruit, hidden in a drawer in the fridge, where it will just be wasted and go bad, not to produce more of itself. Thank you Father- You are always good.

TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD, BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO TRUSTS IN HIM. Psalm 34:8

rain rain, go away

It's been raining for 3 days now. I miss the sun. I am tempted to sing it- rain rain , go away....

But then I got to thinking. Farmer's pray and wait for rain. Droughts are hard and depleting. Fires seem to burn forever without a good drenching.

My grass was turning brown. I've been paying to water these flowers out front, just trying to keep them alive! But this morning,I was tempted to only see that the grass is overgrown and it needs cut, but I can't mow in the rain.... I must sound fickle.

God says He sends the rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. It brings life, it is a blessing, and a necessity. I didn't want my yard to die, and yet I start to fret when it is growing out of control! And company is coming today- I want it to look good- oh boy- now there's a whole nother heart issue!

hmmm... we have rainy seasons in our lives, huh? some stormy days, some just darker and gloomy. They are not so fun. I yearn for bright sunshiny days with a nice fresh breeze. ahh, that would be nice all the time huh? Back to the yard- if everyday was sunny and warm with no chance of precipitation, the grass would die. Sure we wouldn't have to mow as much, but the life would be gone. Are you seeing my point?

God is using the rainy days- to GROW us. I need His water! Of course I need His Light too-- funny how the Creator made sooo many parallels between the spiritual and the physical. When we bask in His presence, all that He is, we do flourish. There are times when I feel like I am drying out and my roots are forced to run deeper- that's good too (yet pretty painful). But thank God that He sends us rain. It might not be fun to traipse thru the mud all the time, but really- is it always muddy?

Father God, help me to have a better attitude. Help me to embrace what You are growing in me rather than always wanting what I don't have. I wanna soak You up when it's dark. I wanna seek You out in the dry times. I wanna be grateful no matter what "the weather". Thank You for the rain. I trust You.

the best thing

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:41-42

"Gwen, dear Gwen, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, sitting at My feet—it's the main course, and won't be taken from you."

what more is there to say?

hungry? tired? I am.

Let's talk about gluttony and slothfulness? JUST KIDDING- that is not what I am talking about. I think about babies alot-we can learn a lot from them-- they HAVE TO sleep and eat- ALOT! the more they sleep and eat, the more they GROW and the more enjoyable they are ( because they are happy). So what's that have to do with anything? Well I have been thinking about the parallel with the spiritual. If we are not HUNGRY for God and also RESTING in Him, can we grow, can we be full of joy? Picture a weak,sick and grumpy baby who doesn't get to eat or sleep. It is not good. It is pitiful and sad. A baby has to depend on his parents. We have to depend on God. A baby cries out for help when something (anything) is wrong. We can cry out to our Heavenly Father-- we just have to seek Him. Our lives will thrive when we do.

He is the Bread of Life, He is the Living Water, He is the Prince of Peace- we can come to Him and eat and find rest- even when life seems crazy.

God I wanna grow in You. I wanna know You better, I wanna hunger and thirst for righteousness and be satisfied by You alone. I need Your rest, Your peace, the strength that only You provide. Thank You for sustaining me, both physically and spiritually. I need You desperately.

You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,

make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4:7-8

Whatever You're doing

I just heard, or really listened to this song for the first time today and I love it! Look at the words to the chorus. I don't know how to put the music on the blog(holly- help!) but here are the words, if you haven't heard it- it is worth looking up!




by Sanctus Real

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

spic-n-span

As I cleaned up the kitchen tonight, I was thinking how I feel like I clean up the kitchen over and over again, not just once a day but several times a day. Will it ever just stay clean? just one day? and you are probably thinking, what does this have to do about anything Gwen? Well it got me to thinking about how many messes God has cleaned up in my life! some bigger than others, but lots of messes none the less. If you know me, you know some of them, but God sees them ALL. And yet He washes me clean. new everyday. I am redeemed. wow.... WOW! thank you Jesus for loving me even in and thru and after my messes.Thank You God for not giving up on the crumbs I keep making and the spills I have so often. It's not what I deserve , but HE has done it, and is doing it, and I am forever thankful. I am a sinner, set free. Washed in His blood, transformed by His Spirit. Humbled that He loves me that much.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9